Chapter 4 Control

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Over a week after Richard first had arrived at the misleading gates of the children institution, things started to change. The Kindergarten anticipated a control from the Ministry of Education, a routine procedure which from time to time every kindergarten had to go through in order to check the quality of childcare and safety of the building. Probably, for this reason, Richard was taken there in the first place. He was only a part of a big enterprise, a part which was temporarily necessary for the existence of dwarfs’ earthly kingdom. To be exact, for smoothly running pipe system.

The control was announced over the phone and Frank First Aid Kit didn’t know where to put his eyes from the amount of work he was to be in charge of. Special points were established, which had to prepare dwarfs for inspection. The shaving stalls were set. Soon naked dwarfs were soaked in shaving cream and a team of five or six dwarfs used razors to get rid of facial hair, including beards and mustaches, arm hair and leg hair, which was so thick and shiny dwarfs could otherwise be proud of. Later, dwarf hairdressers were placed in their little chairs to change dwarfs’ hair into those expected of children. Women had their ringlets knotted in plaits, pig tails, ponytails and funny little buns on top of their heads. Pins and colorful hair clips with glitter, little butterflies, ladybirds, and pets were added into their hairstyles and the end result was sprayed with hairspray for preserving purposes. Dwarfs didn’t have to change their clothes because they had already worn children clothes.

The thing was that the kindergarten had children but it didn’t have any human adults, of course, apart from Richard. But dwarfs were able to fix this problem, using the money, which they had in abundance. They called for hookers, apparently the trusted ones, whom they had been using for years. Within an hour, over a dozen attractive prostitutes came over in their usual work clothes and were soon redirected to hairdressers’ stall, where their make-up was cleaned off, their fingernail enamel disappeared, their clothes changed for decent clothes in pale colors, and their fancy hairstyles were shifted into regular bobs, groomed buns, and unassuming pony tails. Only their underwear remained the same and Richard derived much pleasure from being aware that red lace strings, which were barely covering their firm butts, were hidden by the gray fabric of respectable below knee skirts. Women were given fake IDs and fake documents proving their education and childcare experience. As a matter of fact, they were more experienced in fulfilling their clients’ childish dreams than they knew anything about childcare.

But to be frank, from the outside, the place looked like a standard kindergarten. It had its teachers, its children, its toys, books and fairy tales, its crayons, little funny furniture and little toilets. No one in their right mind would suspect that it was run by dwarfs. No one in their right mind would suspect that these lovely and polite women had an entirely different occupation. Not even Richard, unless he had known the truth.

Frank Fist Aid Kit looked like a proper five-year-old, all clean and dressed up.

‘If you spill even a word, you are dead’, he said casually to Richard.

Richard promised that he wouldn’t reveal the secret.

‘I’m serious, Mr. Innocent. You’re going to be killed. If they ask you about anything, which I doubt, just tell them that you are here for the plumbing work. As far as I’m concerned, this is entirely true. Today we have typical children food on the menu, so don’t expect anything fancy. Muffins, bread and cheese, some fruit juice. Boiled carrots and some pork chops for dinner. Maybe soup. Everything healthy and low in salt. No alcohol, and these hookers, Mr. Innocent, I would like to see them with clothes on at least to the end of the control procedures...’

‘Mr. First Aid Kit, I’m not this kind of man.’

‘Of course, you are such kind of man! You are a human. Believe me, we have been observing you for centuries.’

Richard nodded, not entirely sure what Frank meant. Frank went off to dressing stalls to check if all dwarfs looked presentable. Steve and Johnny waved to Richard while they were being shaved. He also noticed their wives, whose hair was being styled in adorable children hairstyles, while their breasts were being pressed under bandages made from bedcloth to make them look invisible.

‘And now let’s all practice smiles!’, Frank First Aid Kit spoke to the audience of shaved and dressed up dwarfs with a megaphone.

Richard looked at the mass gathered in the playground. Some of the dwarfs had to struggle to hide their nastiness, but most of them provided lovely, innocent and adorable smiles every woman would fall for immediately.

‘Excellent! And now giggles!’

Instead of nasty, evil and drunk laughs, Richard started getting used to these days, he heard cute angelic voices, which could deceive pretty everybody.

‘Perfect, my friends! I wish us all a happy control time. Remember, if you want to go to the toilet, ask our hooker ladies for assistance, especially smaller dwarfs in groups of two and three-year-olds. Try not to sound sophisticated and use simple vocabulary. And remember, the majority of you still can’t read, so make no mistakes like last year when some of you were caught reading today’s newspaper out of boredom. If everything goes well, they won’t spend here more than a few hours.’

‘Fuck you, Frank, I have an on and off hard-on with these human whores, a few hours is impossible!’

‘Mr. Four-Leaf Clover! Language, please! Remember that human and dwarf sexual interaction is forbidden. If you can’t stand the tension, go to the toilet with your ‘teacher’ and relieve yourself. She will be waiting just behind the door if that makes you feel better.’

Some of the dwarfs whistled in entertainment.

‘Remember also not to get into fights. It was difficult enough to pretend that Mr. Belly was only unconscious and then hide his body until the end of control. If you have some hidden agenda, leave it until the end of the day.’

‘Any questions?’

‘Can we have sex with the control team?’

‘Not stupid questions, Mr. Cucumber. You cannot have sex at all. I know that some of you find this shaving thing extremely sexually appealing, but wait until the end of the day. They cannot see children engage in wild sexual intercourse, they will know that something isn’t right. For unmarried dwarfs, remember that extramarital sex has its consequences. Now, I want you to go to your temporary classes and behave. It shouldn’t take much time.’

Around nine two women came to the Kindergarten. One was a plump, short woman, with short hair dyed in red color, glasses on her nose, unattractive posture and some speech defect. She was dressed in a typical office suit, wore low-heeled shoes and carried in front of her a list of things she was supposed to check. With her, there was another woman, this time tall and thin. She was dressed in a similar fashion and was probably the assistant of the first one. Following her, was one of the older hookers dressed in a sweater and woolen dress. With her, was also Frank First Aid Kit, controlling the whole process.

‘Can’t we just leave this child in the class?’ the control woman wasn’t pleased with the presence of Frank, ‘The boy will be bothering us, it will take some time.’

Frank shook his head discreetly and showed something to the hooker.

‘I’m afraid he has to be observed. He had some health problems, but we don’t know what it can be. I cannot leave him with other children. He might cause an outbreak. He’s extremely well-behaved, he won’t cause any trouble.’

The control woman shrugged her arms, steered clear of Frank as if he made her disgusted, and followed the hooker. Richard saw them passing the kitchen, when the control woman stopped and looked at him.

‘And you, Mister, what are you doing here?’

‘I’m a plumber...’, Richard started a conversation, but with an indifferent ‘Oh,...’ he was dismissed.

Ladies began visitations. Dwarfs were extremely well-behaved. They were drawing what teachers asked them to draw. Some of them treated this task too seriously and provided true masterpieces comparable to those of the greatest impressionists and expressionists.

‘These children are extraordinarily talented’, noticed the control woman, astonished by the skills of some little dwarfs.

When the control women were in the class of six-year-olds, there was a choir presentation and children sang some of the well-known children songs.

‘There’s something wrong with this boy, he’s holding his hand in his crotch.’, noticed the control assistant, looking at Mr. Four-Leaf Clover.

‘I need to go to the toilet’, he explained in a thin voice, ‘Teacher, will you go with me?’

After a minute there was a strange noise coming from the kids’ toilet, which was explained by the hooker as some children pooping accident, but Richard knew it was Mr. Four-Leaf Clover climaxing just behind the door.

Everything was going on surprisingly well. Frank did what he could to cover what shouldn’t be seen. Some married couple couldn’t stand the sex prohibition and other dwarfs had to close them in the cupboard just in time before the control team entered the class. While they were having a blast of a time, inspired by previously seen nudity and very smooth limbs of all sexes, dwarfs had to pretend to run around and play, shouting and singing to deafen the sounds coming from the wardrobe. A couple of dwarfs were caught drinking vodka with fruit juice but the hookers said that they had just a mild cold, thus the sneezing, coughing, and uncontrollable laughs. There was also a small fight in the playground, but whores, taught by the previous experience, divided violent dwarfs, holding them up in the air to prevent them from kicking and fighting each other.

‘Children.’ the hooker and Frank First Aid Kit rolled their eyes and the control woman agreed. Sometimes they were out of control indeed.

When the woman signed her papers and Richard saw her leaving the building with her assistant dwarfs loosened their hair, threw to the garbage the unsalted food and ordered some takeaway pizza and buzz. Hookers were paid with gold and Richard looked hypnotized as they changed back into their clothes.

‘We have a year of peace!’ Frank First Aid Kit was pleased, having finished his work. He handed Richard some liquor in a small plastic cup with Cinderella, and Richard was taken by the celebrating crowd of dwarfs to the middle of the party.

And while the Kindergarten met almost all the requirements of the education officials, some neighbors might have been surprised at the sounds of swearing, dancing and celebrating which lasted all night. At around 2 p.m. a police car arrived at the gates of the Kindergarten. Frank rushed to check the reason for police’s appearance. Apparently, dwarfs got a ticket for disturbing the peace, but the familiar policeman was handed a small sack of gold and left the place alone. And when Richard saw the exchange of smiles between the policeman and Frank First Aid Kit, he instantly knew that the official was also on the other side and Richard’s chances of ever getting away were being increasingly diminished.