Chapter 3 Stevie and Johnny

01:19

It was his third night in the kindergarten when he was woken by noises.

‘Only last week it was empty, how come there’s so little space?’

‘I honestly don’t know, Johnny, but our hideout might have been taken. It was such a discreet place. Perfect for a work studio! What is this thing? It’s monstrous!’

Richard felt kicks all over his body.

‘And it’s soft. Maybe they killed a pig for a feast?’

‘They wouldn’t be keeping it here. They would put it in the freezer.’

‘Excuse me,’ Richard managed to fully wake up ‘I’m not a pig. I’m a human.’

He heard whistles, then the footsteps and after a second he heard the switch and the light was turned on. In front of him stood two little dwarfs. One was blond with longer wavy hair dressed in children dungarees and a striped T-shirt. The second one had black short hair and glasses on his nose, also the kids’ version: very round and made from bright green plastic. He was wearing blue jeans shorts and a red T-shirt with pictures of cars printed in front.

‘Another cook?’, the blond one asked, frowning, looking at Richard wrapped up in the blanket.

‘I’m a plumber.’

‘Well, that explains a lot! Johnny Cutie’, the blond one gave Richard his hand to shake. It was a little palm with little fingers attached to it but it was as hairy as a grown man’s hand.

‘Stevie Mushroom’, the dark one with glasses introduced himself.

‘Richard Innocent’

They both laughed at his surname. It wasn’t a single laugh, they were very loudly laughing for over a minute.

‘Don’t get offended. It just sounds ridiculous! Everybody is guilty of something. When a little dwarf is born you just wait for the first stolen jewel or gold ring. Then you celebrate with a feast. You know it’s a healthy dwarf. How long have you been here?’

‘Three days.’

‘That makes sense. It’s been a while since we came here last. We have been busy and we didn’t have time to drop by. Who relocated you here?’

Richard took off the blanket, as it was getting hot.

‘Frank First Aid Kit.’

‘This bureaucratic pig!’ shouted Johnny Cutie, while Stevie Mushroom slapped himself over his face ‘Then we’re screwed. We will never get this place back! We used to use this room as our office. Our women are annoyed when we plot at home. They say that if we are drunk or anarchist, we have to go outside. So we found this place and spent time here. But if Frank First Aid Kit had arranged it, he won’t change it even if we set him on fire. He’s so square. There’s not even one original thought in his mind.’

‘Yeah,’ Stevie Mushroom agreed ‘He follows all the rules. What is more, he reports on other dwarfs. He is to blame for some nasty punishments for even the tiniest offenses. He would sell his own mother for promotion.’

‘It appears that we have to find another place...’

‘But you can still use this one,’ Richard felt a sudden sympathy towards Johnny and Stevie ‘I don’t mind, there’s enough space for us all. I don’t have anyone to talk to.’

Stevie and Johnny smiled in their nasty way and Richard asked them to stop.

‘You’re a decent human, Richard. You’re even better than the cook. She used to give us some extra muffins if we asked very nicely. Fine, we will come by from time to time, especially before the publication process. We make a newspaper here. Independent newspaper. The Kindergarten News is controlled by the kind of Frank First Aid Kit. We publish Out of the Box.’

‘Oh, so you’re journalists.’

‘Yes we are!’ they answered simultaneously ‘Well, in our free time. We aren’t necessarily paid for this but in our position, we had no choice. There had to be some voice of reason,’ Stevie added ‘I work at the management of catering orders, Johnny here is a fitness trainer. He trains women. He has classes every morning from eight to eleven, between breakfast and lunch.’

‘I’m a fitness guru!’ Johnny laughed, showing his muscles.

Richard didn’t look impressed. There was something else bugging him.

‘And this cook, it’s a sad story, isn’t it? She hanged herself, right?’

Stevie looked at Johnny, Johnny looked at Stevie.

‘Well, you can say that she hanged herself. Or that she did it herself. You can also say that she was made to hang herself or that she didn’t really want to die, she just wanted to leave.’

Richard didn’t know what to make of it.

‘Richard, we’ll talk about it later. We have to go home. Our wives will squeeze the living earbugs out of us if we come home this late. See you around. You can eat lunch with us if you want.’

Stevie and Johnny left his attic room and he was left with the blanket in one hand and one ringing sentence in one ear ‘She just wanted to leave.’

The next day, he actually went down to eat breakfast with everybody else. Dwarfs had been informed about his presence and his purpose in the kindergarten, so they didn’t even bother to look at him. He didn’t feel much hostility. The little ones were rather indifferent, but there was one that came to him and announced loudly.

‘I took a shit in the flooded toilet this morning. Good job, man! It flushed nicely.’

Richard smiled and nodded to the dwarf in acknowledgment. Some dwarfs looked at him with something of the kind of respect. Then, he stood in line to get his breakfast, he sat on a little wooden chair in the yard. He was given the same amount of food as other dwarfs, which was not enough, taking into account his size, but Stevie Mushroom whispered something to one lady dwarf, who was putting the food on the plates, and his portions became significantly bigger.

Stevie and Johnny sat with him for a little while and wished him a nice day. Later on, he observed little Johnny Cutie with thirty or so female dwarfs in the yard performing a ridiculous set of activities, which was a mix of yoga, tai-chi, aerobics and modern dance. Johnny seemed to be popular among the female dwarfs. They were competing to perform the best activities and to catch his attention. The older ones were the most eager.

Frank First Aid Kit brought him ordered the previous day pipe system for the kitchen sinks and Richard was repairing them till the afternoon. When he finished, he found himself looking at the distant gate, through which three days ago he entered this strange place.

‘I wouldn’t think about that,’ Frank First Aid Kit noticed his lengthy glance ‘For every violation of the law there are consequences. For running away there are also consequences, Mr. Innocent.’

Richard looked at Frank and remembered what Stevie and Johnny said about him. He reported on dwarfs. He was responsible for some nasty punishments.

‘Yes, Mr. First Aid Kit, I’m not planning anything.’

Frank smiled with his nasty smile and went away. Richard looked at the cook’s clothes and this time they gave him creeps.