Chapter 18 Ginger George's Birthday

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First thing in the morning, Ginger George went to a small cave situated deep in the underground corridor to visit his mother. She was an old dwarf, a dwarf whose hair a long time ago turned into wooden twigs and whose face was covered in a wide variety of mushrooms, both edible and poisonous. She was old and weak, but happy to see her beloved son.

‘Happy birthday, Georgy,’ she said glad to see her only child, ‘Happy birthday to the Highest Dwarf!’.

‘Thank you, mother, I’m going to have a feast!’

‘Is it going to be a great feast? A feast that deserves such a great dwarf as you?’

‘Of course, mother. I ordered excellent food. Everybody is invited.’

‘Good, George. And what about these dwarfs who write bad things about you? Have you made appropriate orders? Are you going to get rid of those who don’t pay you respect?’

‘I’m working on it, mother.’

‘You’re working too slowly! If I were you, I’d imprison these dwarfs immediately!’

‘But, mother. I remember these dwarfs from school. Until they break a rule, I cannot really do anything with them.’

‘George! YOU make the rules. For Billy Strong Fist and Derek Potato, it’s not really a problem. Do they wait for rules to be established? Do they waste time to obey the law? Aren’t they brave enough to take things in their own hands? You shouldn’t have scruples when someone disregards your reputation. You ought to think about yourself and this is the only thing that matters. I always told you that, my boy. Put yourself first!’

‘Yes, mother. I will.’

‘And where is your wife? It’s such an important holiday, it’s your birthday. She should be by your side.’

‘Yes, mother. Wendy will be there for sure. It is her duty.’

‘I think you allow her for too much. I’ve heard that she has lovers. Human lovers, to make matters worse! It’s humiliating!’

‘Yes, mother, but she would humiliate me far more if I didn’t allow her for that.’

‘Then behead her!’

‘Behead my own wife? What will dwarfs think of me?’

‘They will think that you should be feared and respected! I always told you that if you want something, you should do whatever it takes to do this. Whatever it takes!’

‘Yes, mother. But then I should look for another wife and believe me, this is a lengthy process.’

George’s mother laughed.

‘I’m not surprised that it’s lengthy. No female dwarf really deserves my sweet little sunny boy.’

‘Are you suggesting that I should be married to a human wife?’

‘Mother Nature forbid! Human wife! This is disgusting! I still cannot comprehend that you allowed for dwarf-human interaction...’

‘It was because of Wendy, mother...’

‘Don’t disturb me. It’s too big of a law to be tinkered with under the influence of a woman...’

‘But you told me yourself that our grandfather was a child of a dwarf and a human female!’

‘And do I boast about it among our closest friends? This is nothing to be proud of. The reason for pride is you being the Highest Dwarf. You will cover walls of our chronicle. You will never be forgotten, George. And I, as your mother, will not be forgotten either.’

‘Do you think that they will remember me well?’

‘If you don’t allow these disobedient dwarfs to make fun of you, you will be remembered as the best one we’ve had for centuries! I saw these pictures, Georgy. I told you that you should use toilet paper when you are in the public eye. I read these articles in ancient dwarf language. Believe me, my son, when I was at school this language was as popular as Latin in human places of education. They don’t want you to rule. They disregard you, they poke fun at your every decision. And dwarfs read this Out of the Box. It’s the crack that destroys your reign’s reputation!’

‘Fine, mother. After the dinner, I will behead Johnny Cutie and Stevie Mushroom...’

‘And?’

‘And this human plumber Innocent!’

‘And?’

‘Who else?... Wendy?’

Ginger Georges’ mother smiled with approval.

‘You look excellent, my boy. Happy birthday! And have a great feast!’

Ginger George kissed his mother on the cheek covered with edible mushrooms, afraid of tasting the poison from the poisonous ones. He left, determined to have an unforgettable birthday and then give orders of beheading and having his problems over with.

Derek Potato, Jack Muscle, and Robin Firm Ass were sitting by the fire in the meadow among the woods. They redirected the duties of feast preparation to weaker dwarfs, who got for this an extra mug of warm cocoa drink, and they decided to rest and warm their feet. They weren’t really into hard work, it made them bored and frustrated. The fun stuff: beheading, raping and beating was for this day limited, as Ginger George was celebrating his birthday and it was to be a bloodless event. He promised them, however, that after the feast they would be able to capture Stevie Mushroom and Johnny Cutie and do with them whatever they wanted to. But the idea of torturing and killing Richard Innocent made them happy beyond measure. They already had necklaces made of fingers and toes of two human women who visited the Kindergarten and dared to threaten Derek Potato. They were hungry for more.

When dwarfs were drinking fermented blueberry juice, the sounds of approaching feast were accompanying their jokes and laughs, they heard another noise.

‘What the fuck is that?’, Derek Potato stood up from the wooden trunk, ‘Can you hear it?’

‘It sounds like an earthquake!’ Robin Firm Ass cleaned his ears to hear better.

‘It’s an avalanche!’ screamed Jack Muscle and jumped to his feet, ‘Look!’

It was indeed an avalanche, but a strange avalanche. It was orange. It looked as if Ginger George’s hair attacked them from every corner of the forest. They didn’t even have time to scream.

From the environmental point of view, it was an extraordinary phenomenon. Thousands of agitated squirrels ran through the forest and formed a cloud over unsuspecting dwarfs. When animals spread again all over the woods, calmed down, and returned to their state of affairs, by the fire stood three small skeletons, deprived of skin, muscle and organs. It took a moment for the bones to fall into the fire and be burned to ash, soon spread all over the forest by the power of the wind.

Damian Wish Maker turned around speechless and went back to his office. Just in front of his eyes Derek Potato, Jack Muscle, and Robin Firm Ass were eaten alive by a crowd of squirrels. On his desk, lied orders of four executions, which he was supposed to fulfill after the feast came to a close. He closed his eyes in a moment of thought and meditation. Then, he took a key from his drawer and went to Ginger George’s office to open another drawer. He took one bar, closed the drawer and went back home.

‘Daddy! Daddy!’ his little son Philip Wish Maker jumped at his sight ‘Are we going to go to the feast? Are we going to celebrate George’s birthday? He promised us fireworks!’

‘Not today, Phillip. Bring to me your three sisters and call for your mother.’

Ana, Wanda, and Tara came quickly and sat by the table.

‘What is it, daddy? Phillip said we’re not going to go to the feast, is that true?’

‘Yes, Ana, today we’re staying at home. Where is your mother?’

Beatrice Wish Maker came into the living room and looked at her family. Damian Wish Maker looked her in the eyes.

‘Have you read the press? I brought this.’, he placed the chocolate bar on the table.

‘What is it?’ children opened their eyes widely.

Beatrice Wish Maker closed hers as if she was struggling with pain. Then she nodded, speechlessly agreeing with her husband.

‘It’s something very good. Each of you is going to eat a piece. One piece for Philip, one for Ana, one for Wanda and Tara, and one piece for me and your mother.’

Children nodded but they sensed that there was something strange with the candy as if it was a medicine or it was supposed to taste bitter. Damian Wish Maker made sure that all children swallowed a piece of chocolate before he and his wife took their share.

The area was loud from the music played by the band hired for the feast. But in the Damian Wish Maker’s household, it was more than quiet that evening. While some were celebrating under the influence of warm cocoa drink, it took less than a minute for the dwarf family to be struck by the power of chocolate and lie breathless on the floor, with their eyes wide, mouth open and bodies stiff from poison.

Debbie Honest was sitting at the far end of the table in the shadow so that nobody could see her and know that she escaped from prison. Stevie and Johnny were sitting at the other end of the table, Johnny evidently sad, Stevie carefully observing the table at which Ginger George was sitting with Wonderful Wendy. Wendy looked wonderful, so womanly in her floating pink dress and blond curls. Debbie thought to herself that even if she wasn’t married to George, Wendy would somehow still be legendary and remembered by generations due to her charm, figure, and beauty. Everybody could lose head for Wendy. Not only Richard Innocent, this plumber man, who didn’t even realize how lucky he was.

When she was deep in her thoughts, next to Debbie, sat the wife of Johnny Cutie, a brown-haired Aria Cutie.

‘Isn’t she just wonderful?, she said waving her hand from the heat, ‘She’s the most attractive woman dwarf I’ve ever seen. Even Johnny thinks so.’

‘Doesn’t this make you sad?’, Debbie looked at Aria’s rosy cheeks ‘You’re married to him.’

‘Yes, Debbie. But this whole competition makes me weary. Everybody is attracted to Johnny. Wherever I go, I can see hungry looks of dwarf women. It’s not going to last for long. I heard that some obsessed dwarfs plan to kill me to get him back on the market. I’ll do them a favor and divorce Johnny myself. I’m tired of it.’

Debbie nodded in understanding.

‘I heard you climbed the steep rock leading to dwarfs’ chronicle.’ Aria wasn’t about to finish the conversation just yet, ‘This is outstanding.’

Debbie blushed and smiled modestly.

‘I always liked strong dwarf women.’

Debbie blushed even more.

‘Consequent, reliable, determined.’

Debbie’s cheeks were burning.

‘Hard-working’

Aria Cutie looked at Debbie and smiled with the most beautiful smile Debbie had ever seen. And somehow at that time, Debbie forgot about Wendy.

Ginger George was playing with a grape that he took from the bowl of fruits standing in front of him on the table covered with celebratory cloth, barely holding the number of birthday dishes. He didn’t even care that they ordered fruits and vegetables for the feast. Dwarfs were drunk from cocoa milk and in their lethargic sleep, they were barely conscious about what was going on around them.

‘Bobby Fetch, have they already found Billy?’

‘I’m afraid not, the Highest Dwarf. Unfortunately, we have no traces of Mr. Strong Fist.’

‘This is really strange. How could such an enormous dwarf have gone missing? A dwarf cannot disappear without a trace just like that. It’s unthinkable! Then call for me Derek Potato and his fellows. I cannot sit here alone when Wendy is dancing with guests.’

‘Yes, the Highest Dwarf. I’ll go looking for them.’

Bobby Fetch disappeared and Ginger George was left alone. He tossed the grape in his hand until one dwarf sat next to him. Ginger George threw the grape into his mouth, but as soon as he noticed who was sitting by his side, the grape fell into the wrong hole and Ginger George started choking.

Frank First Aid Kit remained calm, indifferent to George’s desperate cries to slap him on the back or to squeeze the grape out of his throat. All dwarfs were looking sleepily at their food, not noticing that there was something wrong with their ruler.

‘He was called Nutsy,’ Frank First Aid Kit started his conversation, ‘I loved him more than my sister. He was more than my friend, he was my family. It’s painful to lose someone who you value more than all the gold in the mines....’

Frank seemed to ignore the fact that George was struggling to breathe. Everybody seemed to be blind that Ginger George was about to die. Wendy was dancing, Bobby Fetch was looking for Derek Potato and his team. Even Billy Strong Fist couldn’t be by his side when he was needed the most.

‘It’s a good feast, I must say. However, it could be better if you invested in some decorations. The cake looks pathetic if I can be honest with you. I know some excellent confectionery where you can order a cake resembling yourself, they make excellent sculptures, and knowing your self-love, you would be more than satisfied...’

Ginger George grabbed his neck with his hands, and with his last effort coughed out the grape and swallowed it, thanking Mother Nature for keeping him alive.

‘That’s funny,’ Frank First Aid Kit cut a piece of orange and inspected it carefully ‘These fruits are made of chocolate!’

Ginger George looked at Frank, cast his eyes on other grapes, which were just pretending to be grapes but were grapes made of chocolate covered with a thin layer of food coloring to make them look like real fruit. Ginger George wanted to say something but before he could squeeze out a word, he suddenly died, hitting his birthday table with a bang.

Richard was looking with wide eyes at the scene. Dwarfs were crowding around the main table on which lied the body of Ginger George, all of them unwilling to even touch him, afraid of being executed if he managed to wake up. But the last thing Richard Innocent wanted was to be going in the same direction as other dwarfs. Instead, he made use of the opportunity to retreat. Not even one dwarf was at that time securing the door, and no one could be seen at the gate. Almost effortlessly, Richard managed to leave the fenced area of the Kindergarten, and with shaky legs, not entirely believing his luck, he reached his home.