Chapter 19 Greetings

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There was an open envelope lying on the desk with a stamp picturing colorful balloons and lollipops. Richard was rereading the lines written on pieces of paper and glimpsed at an open booklet that accompanied the letter. There was also a small dark green sachet that came by post in a cardboard box. It’s been a month since he came back home; during the first week he was panicking that dwarfs were going to somehow bring him back, but after a while, he calmed down. He renewed his personal and professional contacts, revisited Ms. Flowers and made sure that her tap wasn’t leaking.

‘I haven’t seen you for a while,’ she said happy to see her water run smoothly, ‘I thought that you were dead.’

‘Just traveling,’ Richard explained, as he honestly didn’t have a better explanation, ‘I took some time off.’

‘I wish I could take a year off, they have to pay you well in this plumbing industry!’

Richard didn’t say anything to that. Somehow he wanted to share what happened to him but he wasn’t sure anyone would believe him. He didn’t think he lost his senses as the letter only confirmed the year that he had spent among dwarfs.

Dear Richard,

We miss you here in the Kindergarten, there’s no one to wine and dine with and no one to laugh about silly things. Now that there’s no Ginger George, things started getting better. We got back our standard food portions and we are getting fatter each day. The cocoa has been abolished and dwarfs slowly come to their senses. You won’t believe what happened to George! Apparently, Stevie messed with the catering company which was to provide us with food for the feast and every single thing on George’s table was made from chocolate. There was a risk that everybody but George would try the food, but fortunately, all were afraid of even touching the Highest Dwarf’s birthday meal. That included Wendy. She said she was dieting. Ultimately, he died from his own idea, poisoned by his own poison, which had happened to many dwarfs before according to the Chronicle. You die as you live.

You wouldn’t believe who became our new Highest Dwarf! The last person who was at George’s site at the moment of his death was the one and only Frank First Aid Kit. His ruling is still fresh, but I must admit that, as every Highest Dwarf, Frank is getting a little bit crazy from power. He abolished all rules established by Ginger George (we can finally print whatever we want including adjectives and nouns), but he left the law allowing for human dwarf interaction. Thus, we are likely to visit you very soon at your place. Stevie told me that we will dress as children and pretend to trick or treat on Halloween to avoid arousing attention. When we first realized that you were missing, we thought that you got killed in this havoc that happened after George’s death. When we finally traced you back in your home, Frank said that you belong to the world of humans and you have the right to live where you want. We will send a dwarf or two for you to instruct them on plumbing work to be more independent. We thank you for the time that you spent with us and send you a sack of diamonds, hoping that it will cover the cost of your stay at our place.

Frank First Aid Kit remained a bureaucratic pig, I’ll tell you this, but he’s been quite progressive. We purchased a supermarket to provide us with fresh produce and hired some people to run it for us. Franks says it’s a good investment and that we are likely to open a chain. We reopened the kiosk and the bar. There are also renovating works at the Kindergarten and Frank has been investing in new technology and renewable sources of energy. Also, which surprised me the most, he abolished the body reduction for an extramarital affair, which is just a blessing, because my wife left me and I’m currently meeting Frank’s sister (it’s an old love but it seems that it never entirely died). Debbie Honest avoids me. She came back to ‘The Kindergarten News’, but after we’ve been through so much with ‘Out of the Box’, I thought that we would become friends. Whenever she sees me, she blushes and has to go somewhere immediately. Don’t you think that this is strange?

Stevie is all good. I think he’s going to have a little baby dwarf, which makes him happy and cheerful. His wife, Eve, looks radiant! He came back to his catering job and I came back to my training sessions (yes, Frank allowed for physical exercise). ‘Out of the Box’ runs as always (I attached the latest copy) and the tone remained the same.

Wendy is now in mourning. She wears black and she will be an official widow for the next couple of decades. Black suits her, she looks very elegant in her black suits, dresses, and hats. I must tell you that she took well the death of her husband and she flourishes, taking part in the funeral ceremonies. Between us, being the Highest Dwarf’s wife is quite a lucrative position and she doesn’t have to raise her little finger for the rest of her life. She is more than secure. She said that she will visit you as soon as this funeral hysteria is over.

Don’t tell Frank but I’m glad that he became the Highest Dwarf. You should see our feasts. If there were awards for best organizing skills, he would get them all. I’m even afraid that he will accidentally die and I follow him secretly to check that he’s fine, but don’t tell him that as well. I don’t want him to know that I care. I hope that you are fine and healthy and you assimilated back with your kind. Hope to see you soon,

Kiss on both cheeks,

Johnny Cutie

Richard opened a sachet and spread beautifully polished diamonds of various shapes and sizes. He also opened a booklet of the new edition of Out of the Box, continuing the tradition of The Highest Dwarf in Awkward Places, showing Frank First Aid Kit playing with squirrels, trimming his beard, ruling with a ruler and checking like a maniac if his every order was fulfilled accordingly. Pictures brought the smile to Richard’s face and another smile was caused by a little bracelet which was at the bottom of an envelope with a little metal bead imitating a knife. He knew perfectly well that it was from Wendy.

Barley Brown answered the second that day telephone call. He was used to working long hours, his father always told him that if he was good at his job, he wouldn’t have to worry about finding customers.

‘Yes? This is Barley Brown.’

‘Oh, yes, hello. I’m in need of an electrician. Do you specialize in solar panels?’

‘Yes, are you changing the sources of energy in the entire building?’

‘We’re not sure. We definitely want to cover as much of the area as possible, but we’re not sure if it will be enough.’

‘And what kind of building it is?’

‘It’s a kindergarten. You know, Mr. Brown, a lot of little creatures running around. We need warm water and electricity, not to mention the heating...’

‘Give me the address, please. I’ll come tomorrow in the morning and assess what combination will suit you best.’

‘Thank you, Mr. Brown. We are waiting for you. One more thing, do you have a family?’

‘No. But... Why do you ask? Is it important?’

‘Oh, no, of course. We suspect that it will take some time to install all the fixtures, we don’t want to take you away from your beloved for long.’

Barley Brown laughed.

‘I wouldn’t worry about that. See you in the morning. Goodbye!’

Young Finley Trial Period smiled to Frank First Aid Kit over the telephone desk.

‘We have him!’

‘Great, Finley! Now we need to get someone in the Government, just to make sure they won’t kick us from the surface. My ambition, Finley, is to get us all from the underground and give every dwarf the right to the sun, fresh air and bank holidays!’

Finley Trial Period looked amazed at his new idol. The office of Frank First Aid Kit was crowded with squirrels and there were nuts bowls lying in every corner of the room. Finley Trail Period smiled happily to himself and to his superior. He still couldn’t believe his luck that in his first job was to work for the Highest Dwarf.

The End