Chapter 10 Wonderful Wendy

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Richard woke up one morning to realize that he had been kept in the Kindergarten for five months. He started forgetting how human beings looked like. He got used to the small size of his fellow neighbors, while dwarfs got used to his gigantic posture. Some of them even left him additional food in the evening, as they realized that he might go hungry, considering his size and average portion of food introduced by Ginger George to cut expenses. Dwarfs made Richard a pair of patchwork dungarees to make him feel welcomed and they offered him a ruby earring in honor of his work and engagement. Richard grew a beard, wore the colorful dungarees, pierced his ear and resembled more a giant dwarf than a kidnapped human. Somehow he blended in and noticed more and more little toes missing from the feet of his mates.

One night, he was heading towards the leisure bench (the same one which witnessed the death of the Highest Dwarf), when he heard some rumor behind the bushes. He followed the sound and when he emerged from the thick cloud of leaves, he saw a female dwarf holding the knife pointed at her heart. Her eyes closed, the grimace on her face exposing desperation and fear. Richard recognized her instantly. It was Wonderful Wendy.

‘What are you doing?!’, he shouted to the woman.

‘I’m killing myself, isn’t that obvious?’

Richard wasn’t good at persuasion, he simply approached Wendy, took the knife away from her (it was as easy as taking candy from a baby) and threw it into the water.

‘We have a lot of knives, Richard.’, she was amused, combed her blond curly hair with her fingers and sat on the ground with her legs spread.

‘How do you know my name?’

‘And don’t you know mine? Wendy, nice to meet you. You are the only human living here, it’s difficult to ignore you. You’re Richard Innocent, isn’t that right? You slept with Silia Lovely Bottom.’

‘It’s nice to hear that the only thing you know about me is the fact that I was seduced by a gold digger...’

‘Do you have gold?’

‘Well, no...’

‘So why would she dig gold from you? Silia is more for the experience. She’s just seduced by power. I think she treated you as a must, a point on her bucket list. She definitely wanted to sleep with a human. I heard that her great-great-grandmother had an affair with a major of the city. A passionate relationship. The major had to flee the country to avoid the death sentence. It runs in her blood, apparently. We, dwarfs, are attracted to various kinds of beings.’

‘Who are you attracted to, then?’

Wonderful Wendy giggled.

‘I like big boys. Not pathetic and repulsive little tyrants, if you happened to notice who I’m married to.’

‘Is this why you want to kill yourself?’

‘Well, of course! I cannot live in this way. I’m always in the public eye. Everybody criticizes my outfits and hair. They pay attention to my mood. I have to smile all the time and pretend that everything is great. I’m tired of it. And I’m unhappy with George. He’s terrible in bed, two minutes of action and I’m left crying like a baby from dissatisfaction. I didn’t even have a say in this marriage idea...’

‘Couldn’t you say no?’

‘To the Highest Dwarf? My mother would disinherit me. This is a great honor to be married to the Highest Dwarf. You’re secure until the day that you die. Well, until the day he dies. On average, three hundred years of wealth, feasts, ceremonies and protection. Imagine, three hundred years! I need to go to the kitchen for the second knife!...’

‘But, Wendy. You are Wonderful! From what I have heard, you are really a great dwarf. Others will be devastated if you kill yourself.’

Wendy smiled in a mix of flirtation and mischievousness.

‘Do you really think so?’

‘Well, yes.’, Richard blushed ‘I do.’

‘That’s so nice of you. As a matter of fact, you are a big boy, Richard. Quite an attractive one. If you don’t allow me to finish with myself, I’m going to sleep with you.’

Now Richard went red in the face. It wasn’t the course of action he suspected to take place.

‘I’m afraid that it is impossible. There’s punishment. Death! Little toe amputation! Not that I don’t find you attractive. You are a really extraordinary dwarf woman, very pretty and curvy, but I don’t want to die...’

Wonderful Wendy rolled her eyes.

‘You men are pathetic. I’m the wife of the Highest Dwarf. I’ll do something about it.’

Wendy opened the door to her chamber. Ginger George was playing with Lego Blocks, which he stole from human children when he was a child himself. He was building a Kindergarten stencil and planning expansion.

‘You need to do something for me, George.’

‘What?’

George didn’t take his eyes from the blocks.

‘I want to have a lover!’

‘So take one, why do you bother me with it?’

‘The problem is that you have to change the law. It is forbidden.’

‘I won’t change any more laws this week.’

‘It wasn’t a problem for you to change it for the toilet paper! I’m your wife. If you don’t do as I please, I will kill myself!’

Ginger George shrugged.

‘You tell me every day that you will kill yourself and I only see you alive. I’m bored with it... If I’m a widower, I’ll take another wife...’

‘Oh really, this is how much you value me?! Great, so before I kill myself I will tell everybody your deepest secrets! I will write to Debbie Honest from The Kindergarten News and tell her everything about you! She always had a soft spot for me. She likes girls, I’ve been told. I’ll tell that you don’t use toilet paper and there’s a medic who cleans your butt every evening. I’ll tell that you last two minutes in bed and that you eat your buggers!’

‘You won’t...’

‘Yes, I will! And I will tell Debbie that you cry every night, holding your Teddy Bear and you visit your mother every time they write something bad about you in Out of the Box!’

‘You wouldn’t!’

‘Yes, I would! Believe me, what do I have to lose?’

Ginger George bit his lip.

‘Fine, what law do I have to change?’

‘Dwarf-human interaction. I need a lover. I can’t stand it any longer with you.’

‘Which lover?’

‘What human lives with us, you idiot? Richard Innocent, isn’t that obvious?’

Ginger George opened his mouth as if he was weighing the words. Then he closed it and nodded.

Next day an official note appeared in The Kindergarten News:

‘Dwarf-human interaction allowed after centuries! The first registered lover of the Highest Dwarf’s wife, Wonderful Wendy, is Richard Innocent’

This made everybody shocked. Including Richard.